so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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