my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
