If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
