I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize