if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
