last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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