Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
