I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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