Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
