sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
