You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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