wat bout pragnant strippers??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
