like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I currently don't understand fingers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
