I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
