i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
