I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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