I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
