Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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