im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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