can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im holly from the hills drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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