John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize