you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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