he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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