who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize