i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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