That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
