I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
