I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
