Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
