dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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