This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize