Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
