hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
