Kiss
Puke
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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