Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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