I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
