My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
