You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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