I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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