the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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