I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
