if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
