why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
