I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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