You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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