ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I die, sorry about rent.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
