I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize