he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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