Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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