just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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