i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
