you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
