I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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