can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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