my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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