If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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