At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
