I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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