I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
