Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
