And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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