The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
