lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
