I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize