Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize