if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's blow job season.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
