We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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