it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
