I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
