Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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