In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize