ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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